I'm not okay

Im okay now
I dont want no more computer games
no Im okay
I dont want to play computer games
no I dont
I really need you to listen to me
now listen to me
Im okay
really
trust me
trust me now
and i could treat you like a girl
hahaha
Im okay
no really
now look me in the eye
and say you believe me
coz
hahaha
hahahaha
Im okay
Im okaAaAay
hahaha
trust me now
please
please
coz Im okay
Im just o-fucking-kay now
trust me

3 cheers for getting lost

This feels like hell
and sometimes I feel that I cant do any of this anymore
so Ill just drink my drink
and 3 cheers for getting lost

I do miss everything I wanted

Im just so tired of doing
all these things I finally hate
wasting myself away
when theres so many things I could do
so many things I wanna do

sometiems I almost wish I never knew you
but your picture's like a pain
it stings as hell

and I dont know if you'll be reading this
not that it means anything

so now just let me wallow awhile
please





off to China tomorow
and I dont want to think of you
or any of this

so Im back from camp

so Im back from camp
and I still dont have an answer
because it seems like forever
since I didnt know


I could treat you like a girl
and maybe you'll never understand

but I miss the thrill
I miss having plans
I miss liking you

maybe
I miss you
----------------------------------------------------------------------------


the pictures came in




The opening session was fun



no it was



put that down


man love the games
couldnt be executed better


haha


didnt like this game
you have to think too much


heee


loved it



broke my favourite watch
o well... 12 bucks

















envelopes I prepared
















leading the reflections

I wrote the whole lyrics of Welcome To The Black Parade

so we could all sing and go nuts

after showers

The camp was fantastic

and I had so much fun

its like one of the best camps Ive attended

and I actually realised that these are my closest group of friends

and i really really treasure their friendship

love you guys

I love my part-mates.inc

I love my part-mates.inc

now
so Ill be happy a while
---------------------------------------------

waiting for the pictures to come in

even with those eyes

Lunch made me sick

Im playing computer games and I dont even fucking like it
coz Im so frustrated
I dont know what the hell Im doing anymore

Im breaking my arrow
and leaving my bow
when all I wanna do is 'archery'

Im going off to another camp
rest assured
Ill be thinking of you
how I can hate you
even with those eyes
how angry Ill get at myself for blaming you
for all of this
when we both know it isnt your fault

I feel dead

I feel dead

probably because of the exhaustion
but see
ive managed to wake early
cant do it again

late nights wont let me go

im fucking apathetic about everything
i cant even talk straight

maybe its because I lost what I wanted to want


now I just liked you for the sake of it
dont hear this now
because i wanna see it as I used you

probably hold a funeral

so the beer wasnt THAT good after all
hmm
guess i wasnt used to it
yea I better not get used to it

so Im not what the prefectorial board wants
I didnt even want it in the first place
but after it all
it kinda grew on me

hmm
alright Ill say it once

damn


ok im done

------------------------------------------------------

my mp3 died on me
and I panicked
so I brought her to the ER
luckily nothing happened
damn
I dont know what i'd do if I lost her
probably hold a funeral

shh
dont tell her
I almost had an affair with my brother's ipod

Im getting tipsy tonight

so the summit was cool

above the clouds
on the top of the world
I enjoyed the company I had

and Ive thought about it
so Ive decided that Ill sit back
and just enjoy the holidays

Im not gonna do no shit
because now I believe
and I know I was doing all those stuff
just for the sake of doing all those stuff

Im sitting back this time
---------------------------------------------------------------

Half a can of beer

so to hell
baby
Im getting tipsy tonight

you're just skin

I still dont really know
but I know one thing

Im not gonna crawl to you
Im not
Ill throw this away
like you threw your innocence

deeper?

you're just skin
you're just skin

can I cut you?


because thee are worse than broken words
one side is truth
the other is false
this is walking on the line

and I dont care what you think about me now
because you're just skin

my breath is slow

the air is cold
my breath is slow

I havent solved anything
I still dont noe
Im just letting time dilute things

I got angry with so many people today
even my mum

and I guess im not doing well

dota is my alchohol
but even that is getting old
so old

I keep feeling like Im more of a kid
so much more than I should feel
ironic
or maybe its just coz you feel so old

still i gotta find out more
I have to
I will

just as I am

Im harmless
and I dont care if you cant appreciate it
as much as I want you to

because this has to be it
it has to

Im not that same guy you thought I would be
when we met

and I shouldnt be mad
or feeling this way at you
but still

wheres your innocence?
I cant find it anymore
not ever
its lost from your eyes

just as I was
just as I am

Harmless

as much as I would like to
I just dont want to

I dont care if I cant think on this two feet
or if Im really that slow
or if I cant handle much
or if Im still too dumb for any of this
or if im just not good enough

because Im harmless
dont you see !?
cant they?

Im fucking harmless and thats it
just harmless

----------------------------------------------
I liked seeing through it all
and looking at innocence
but now
I just cant find it

so what now
I feel so messed because I dont know

so what now

Today training was wierd
I let others do the job and I dont like it
the lack of discipline I see

So what now
lucky I dont wish I was still obsessed with computer games
luck... ...

I dont really know

I kinda enjoy it

The 'talk' yesterday affected me alot today
but luckily not as much as I thought it would

still
my head wasnt even there to be elsewhere


I wanna quit 'the game'

but once you start
its too hard to stop

I wish Julian didnt exist for a while
pause
so I can clear my head



well
at least
Im no longer scared for one

but you know this almost feels like hell

but I kinda enjoy it

just pathetic

Im feeling sick
just so sick

even more than im tired

Im supposed to be happy
but Im apathetic
but mostly
just pathetic


well
it doesnt feel one bit nice
but at least I see things better
about 'the game' and all

consider myself lucky before I fall


but I just feel sick