hmmmm

ok so Ive been sitting here for the last 10 minutes
thinking
because I just dont know
if I should feel sorry now or wonder why im taking all this shit

did you know on thursday
I couldnt speak more than 10 words during recess
did you know
I actually had lunch by myself in someplace
did you know
I stayed there for more than an hour. yes by myself

so please dont give me your 'dont tell me it wont affect you bla bla BLA BLA' crap

look
look
see it actually AFFECTED ME
wow
can you tell?
I was an emotional wreck

I was hurt

by my you and everyone else in this family
and I wasnt really mad at any of you
I knew that you were right and all that fucking bullshit
thats why I dont blame anyone for all of the crap I was feeling

so I didnt do my homework for a few days
yea BIG DEAL
had no mood to do whatever it is the f*** I had to

I made a promise to myself
by the end of the weekend
I would pick myself up and everything would be normal again
Id be a better person




2 weeks ago I told my tuition teacher to stop for one week because I had my midyears, and because the chinese paper was over.

so theres supposed to be lesson today but there was a misunderstanding he thought our lessons resumed only next week from now.

yea sorry Im so distracted
so distracted that I didnt message him to confirm that there was supposed to be lessons today when I OBVIOUSLY KNEW THERE WAS A MISUNDERSTANDING
yea i mean I OBVIOUSLY KNEW he didnt know there was supposed to be lessons and im so distracted that I didnt do anything about it
im so sorry

yea im so sorry for arranging a make up lesson this thursday
and technically not missing a tuition session
see im sorry ok

heck im sorry for even being distracted at all
how bout that?

im so sorry that i didnt do all of his 3 essays and 4 comprehension passages for homework
yea im like perfectly mentally and emotionally sound and therefore there was absolutely no reason at all for me not completing every single one of his assignments


oh and I also have to apologise for trying my best to control my feelings these past few days
Im sorry that im trying to cope with everything
Im just so sorry that Ive planned to not be affected anymore on monday and put my O level chinese as my first priority

maybe ill just go to school tomorrow and be all like menopause this time
sounds fun?




yea so y'see im still not very sure if I should feel sorry
or wonder why you have to put me through just soooo muuuuccchhhhhhhh crap