The Judgemental

Forgive me
for looking at your world
with these bloodshot eyes


I'm naive

but seeing the enemy
our enemy

I actually got angry
angry at anger

the reason why people put on fronts
the reason why people don't be themselves

its the poison
the disease
our enemy spreads

they take a look for 2 seconds
and they think they know
the whole world about somebody

and they do not approve
because they want the world to be like themselves

why



The Judgemental

Getting this heart slashed

Oh
is it still awkward?

Bull

it still is

I was losing but I'm happy


......

--------------------------------------------

Ecstacy

I levelled

and I'm a step closer
to getting this heart slashed

you let me down

This game

its not for fun

its dead serious


it could break me
but that could be what I want


I was preapred
to spill my heart on those papers
let it flow through the fluid of my pen


but
you let me down

you let me down

Level ???

I'm playing a new game

The stakes are so high
almost too high
but
I think I want to lose this

Its not like any other
there is no quitting

and its almost too dangerous
too seductive
too irresistable

Oh hell
I'm obsessed with it

Level ???
oh
damn
level ???





but then again

is it really a game?

Without a scar

Why
why did it take me five years
to realise that shes so damn hot

Its nothing about Physics
Kenneth's decreasing acceleration theory
I'll figure I knew its truth


Was I searching for sympathy

Untouched
Unscratched
Unscathed

Without a scar



Oh
let me down
just let me down

I dont have my letter

Happy Birthday Mum

and sorry
I dont have my letter
your letter
liked I planned




So heres my heart
I'm begging you to break it

Today I lost

Today I lost
I lost

I am afraid
I'm not holding on tight enough
----------------------------------------------------

Alright
I shouldn't blame them for thinking that they're so cool and funny
I mean
they're only sec ones

haha
but I just wished they could grow up a little

you're amazing

You're amazing
You're truly incredible

with each passing day
it just keeps getting clearer to me
I can't thank you enough
really
I see it now

For all that mud in my face
I can't thank you enough

I realised
it was the perfect time to grow up
considering
the year after this one




dilema splits my head
boredom or excitement

cracking and breaking this thick shell
I'm choosing excitement



Oh
I want to love you
I'm just not sure
if I'm capable of that

I threw it too far

I've tied it up
but I didn't throw it in the corner
I threw it too far
I don't think I'll ever see it again

what I thought that was a bad picture
was the best picture

and I just wanna laugh at myself to death
over and over again

Kenneth and Jun Siews' words
they make sense now

damn
its so clear


I have just came to realise
that I am so bored of my life
I can't stand it
I really can't

no wait
I don't think I have one anyway


and crap
I'm still not sure where to get it

but I'll try
I've already got a few things planned
coz this holiday
Im gonna try
too hard

Get these hands burnt

I know
the impossibility
of finding someone like her

but suddenly
I feel like I should just
tie it up
and throw it in the corner

I want to tear this heart
get these hands burnt


So I'm still
Fighting the emotional masochist in me

Taking the ice and making It warm

I've had more than face value

but
I won't be a stranger to this feeling anymore
and at least now I know what I like in a girl


Im taking the ice and making it warm

...

"Coz you will be somebody's girl"

"and you will keep each other warm"


"but tonight"

"right here..."



"its freezing"



"ice"

An emotional masochist

Taking the hard road





I'm a brave soul

an emotional masochist

1000miles 700days

1000 miles
700 days

I knew this would happen
right at the start

maybe it was just the weather today

but still...


and I can't really blame anyone
not even myself
I know can't help it

its hard
I'm turning happy songs into sad songs

but I must keep pressing on
because life is still more than this

1000miles
700days

1000miles
700days

1000miles
700days

I'll slit my tongue

Thank you
for sticking me through the mud
for pressing me down
for kicking me in the head
for stretching and twisting
everything in me


now the world is so clear to me now


The tie and the badge
I almost backed out at the start
I didn't think it would mean much
I still don't

what means much
is what I hold on to
To the end





Shes not stupid
and I'll slit my tongue
if she finds out

I can take on the universe

The world is my joke to perceive, with lines and truth


the world seems so clear to me now

I can take on the universe

because I will never let go of this
what I believe
who I am
ever

Being strong is not about being able to controlling your feelings
Its being able to come to terms with it



I was just thinking too much
I don't need to lie to her

I'll share this face to face

The World Is My Joke To Perceive, With Lines and Truth

when a 15 year old kid
shares the same views about life
with a 50 year old man

I'll share this face to face

I will stay true to what I believe
and I'll hold on to it too tightly
cast it through my veins
my soul

she
problems seem so small now

I might lie to her

I'll bet
shes smart
she realised
shes scared and pushing me away

I might lie to her


I know I deserve this
but still
I feel like hell

Oh where are you now
where are your jokes
I can't seem to find you

ooohhh my worries eat my insides

and I suddenly feel like I don't want the tie or the badge

Oh what have I gotten myself into now?



This time
Lets find out what I'm made of

I can let you see my demon

oooh my neck is aching badly
from all that intensive head banging last night

I guess if you mix chaos and music
I can let you see my demon

Oh how a girl acts when she hates someone

Maybe I should just keep telling myself
that I'm okay
and forget all of this
but that brings me back to square one
boredom

Maybe I shouldn't risk it

Can't I walk on the line?
Must it either be chaos or boredom


" If you're still afraid, .......... "

" It will happen, especially .........."

" You'll like someone when you know you like someone "


I hope they don't put 2 and 2 together
I hope they dont get this

Danger

You're not as funny as before
You don't put a smile on my face like before
You're almost distant now
Maybe I'm not thinking of you enough

I thought I needed you
I want to

and I'm not sure
if I can turn a sad song into a happy song anymore

but my crooked smile
oh my crooked back


Maybe I'll chew my tongue
If I see her wicked smile tonight


and what I feel is
danger
danger
danger
danger

but maybe its just a test
of how weak I am

Hell, its getting tricky

Theres something very lazy
about your sunrise today

I know I'm thinking too much again
but I know I have to be careful
given how weak I am

Hell, its getting tricky
so much more tricky
but I dont wanna gamble with my heart

The worlds gonna be a poem
The world's turning poets

but these are not poems
they werent carefully crafted
and they're not for fucking fun

This is the spilling of my heart
cut and bled for you
you who I knew I loved...

and for me

Kick My Teeth

Haha
Shes good to talk to

But I wish I could
Kick my teeth
and squeeze my kidneys

yea... what am I afraid of

I hope I never wake

My body's failing me
Its asleep
Give it another second

I'll bet it wouldn't wake
I'll bet they hate me
I'll bet that isn't a guy
I'll bet shes blocking me
I'll bet I won't win these bets

My heart is thinking
so I'll not stitch it
but my lights are smashed

Lust is funny
but then again
what isnt

I'm too disorganised
and this is too messy

damn...
I guess I'm surrendering to sleep
and I hope I never wake

I'm losing time
so much time
wasted and thrown in one
never utilised in two

I still feel like a stalker
I feel like biting my fingers off

and truth is my tool


My words are losing its grip
losing its meaning
maybe its because I'm okay

Things hardly get any easier
but they splash on boredom if they ever do
I'll kick myself for complaining

I'm no good at this
and I have nothing to show for
what its worth


Maybe my crooked smile
can match her wicked smile
but I doubt it

and I won't say I love you
until I'm sure

but I'm sure I did

A new friend

Haha Jordan...
5 year old kid
my new friend I met while swimming

'Do you have a girlfriend'
'no'
'I still think you do'
'haha... why?'

'In my school, there is a girl who likes me, but I hate girls'

'I hate holding hands'

'but later when I grow up, I will hold her hand and marry her.......eeeee'

'have you held a girl's hand'
'No'

'have you kissed a girl'
'No'

'you want to kiss that girl over there?'
'No, I don't kiss strangers'



Gonna call him whenever I wanna swim
Hes nice to talk to

Give me a second

Nobody would believe what I did this morning
but I hardly could anyway
I told you I was bored

and I have no life
and i'm not sure where to get one
besides, how would you know if you like someone?

The smug wasnt there
energy levels are alarming
Give me a second
and I'll be asleep
but I'm not going to
sleep kills the day away

I feel like I'm being stalked
I feel like I'm a stalker

Its alright
sad song. happy song
and crack a smile

Mornings are addictive

Mornings are addictive
so please be late tomorow

We're all hypocrites
and where's the fun in that

I know I think too much
maybe it is a bad thing
so I don't think I should rush into another challenge
meanwhile I'll try to enjoy boredom

and I feel that i want the tie and the badge now
hard to believe I almost backed out


and I'll bet she hates me





the pictures are coming in
















some of the most important friends in my life
stuck through the hard times
I really don't mind having these friends
I hope they don't too

I really have my gratitude to spill for them


















hes a good listening ear
probably understands me well

For the first shot of yellow

Today
It was me, my mp3 and you
at the top of the world

oh I love it when you're late

I got up at 630
I got out

oh I love it when you make me wait

For the first shot of yellow
feeling it splash across my face
the view
was unbelievable

decribing it wouldn't do it justice


but shhh
its our little secret
one that I'll die to remember forever
------------------------------------------------------------------


Ive got a few pictures that came in

















of the centennial dinner


















to celebrate a 100 years of excellence

and Im proud to be the 1st Assistant Company Seargent Major of the new century of perfection



she isnt a lanyard

life is crazy
but what's the point in that

crazy
how she was right in front of me
compelled to look at each other
oh and she still has a wicked smile

But its our joke

The school that is prince
The school that is mine

The smug
The smug
The smug

They might not understand
but its our joke
you and me
ours

Do I feel the bore now?
I should appreciate it
before the next challenge comes
and I know it will be that much worse
that much worse

Is outgrowing computer games wrong?
why do I want to grow up anyway

sometimes I wish I could meet someone by accident
sometimes I wish I could take someone up there with me



and he's the petty one
and he's the angry one
and he's the childish one
I don't understand
but I dont see that excuse
no
I'm the judgemental now

going back for a few minutes already hurt so much























it matches to me

oh and she has such a wicked smile

I'll still laugh at that

I'll write this down
so I don;t want this thoughts to be forgotten

I'm judging the judgemental again

Sorry I don't know why
I see them as lower

But arrogance was my weapon
and jokes are my weapon of choice

I'm still blogging in my head
The music stopped halfway
I really missed it
and I wished I was on my way

So I'm okay now
Then what next

because it was just
broken faces
broken words
broken places
and doing it till it hurts

So its about tieing them
So its about fixing up
Done
and thrown in the corner
Then what next
probably nothing more than broken words

and I'll not laugh my ass off
but I'll still laugh at that
I'll still laugh at that
I'll still laugh at that
I'll still laugh at that
I'll still laugh at that

because I can't believe what you did
Right in front of me
Straight, dead ahead

lets talk about rocks another time
lets do fluid blogging another time
so maybe I can find another rhyme

maybe I should care more


I could have killed my phone
I have no photos
I'm still waiting for them to come in

One and a half hours late

Eight.... oh eight.
Im not planting any seeds
but thats one and a half hours late
Just staring at the back of my eyelids

Eight....
I don't see the point anymore
so let me just lay here
I'll feel less guilty
It was raining anyway

so if I'm okay now
what now
what next

I made a stranger's day more interesting
oh thank you for the opportunities
the coincidence
the irony
the laughter
the joke

I hope you never stop being the joker
I'll so seriously laugh my mother hell ass off if she's in my platoon