I havent gotten much sleep
although believe me
I need it
See theres something about what you said
that got me thinking and, I wanna get some things off my chest
she said maybe I was 'sian' of ncc
well my first reaction was that it was ridiculous
me? tired of ncc?
but I began to think. and maybe
just maybe
she was right
you just came and reminded me
of the words, hands, hearts
how great it all was
something that maybe over time
I chose to forget
Im tired
Im tired at the fact that we arent what we used to be.
we're not even a shadow, not even a pale reflection.
maybe just 6 or 8 years ago.
Ive heard stories. It was hell, but we said we were men... ... we were so proud.
we loved it here
the pain the tears the joy
there was just so much
we were so rich
there was meaning
I wanted a taste of that
but we never did get the chance
more importantly
I wanted my cadets to experience it
but how can you teach something you havent learned
its like a cancer
we have cancer
decaying on the inside
but what do i care
5 more trainings and ill be gone
well i guess
Im not the kind who does things just for the sake of it
Im the kind who does things because i believe in them
so i cant really take what you've said lightly can i?
after what you said
it feels like we're nowhere
oh
how much power we have
it doesnt make much sense
I have held back
because of many things
times have changed, havent they
all of us are like sissies now arent we
we just dont do things like we used to
the 20 push-up limit
I guess they really are serious about this
a csm got suspended for exceeding the limit
maybe i am tired
tired of pleasing people
i try too hard to earn their respect and all
as an acsm I dont really have a proper job scope
but i cant be useless
Ive told myself
after 3 years of crap and hard work to get where i am, I cant stop now
thats why i want to do things
but i cant do other people's jobs for them
thats why sometimes i feel nowhere
maybe being a level-in-charge would be better
you would have all the right to mould them into the cadets you want them to be
let them taste what it was like before
well you told us we didnt have to be afraid
afraid of rules and stuff
we didnt have to be afraid of restrictions made by teachers
we could still do things the way they were done
but times have changed my friend
and so have i
you made me realise
my priorities shifted
that ive lost pride
ive stopped believing in the things we do
but there was a time when i could really feel the meaning
in everything we did
there was a time
when I believed
we only have 5 trainings left with them
if only
if only you werent so late
but no matter what
a hundred years
one whole century
we still have that on our shoulders
thats why Ive thought about it and decided
with whatever time we have left
we will do whatever we can
and we are going to
burn
out
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