Until The Stars Turn Cold

7.7.07

2007-07-15T14:14:00.000+08:00

due to size of images please scroll down to view them

last year we took the responsibility of leading the company

if you cant find me Im the guy in white right in the middle

The big day

Making sure the Guard of Honour contingent is ready

The Singapore Flag flies over SJI

March Pass

Stepping down of our CSMs

Haha I look like crap after the parade from all that... ... rejoicing

The Trophy that holds the name of two brothers

Its time

2007-06-05T00:44:00.000+08:00

Please

Please dont say
The shine is lost from my eyes

Can you tell?
Its time I took my leave
and you can watch me fade away
but Id rather have you shut your eyes

Goodbye

.

letter for far

2007-05-24T00:27:00.000+08:00

Dearest,
I hesitated before doing this one. Now I just wanna say that I miss the times we spent together. Hanging out. I really do, and whenever I just think about it, I dont know I just feel carefree. and at the same time I just wonder how everyone is doing. I mean we're so far apart and everyone's busy with their own lives we hardly get to see each other. but when you came down last year, I was happy, like I remember the dinner when we just splurrred 80bucks. I swear Ive never paid for a meal more expensive than that. haha but I cherished every single moment of it. God, I really miss all those jokes, all those laughs, all those moments. Swear I loved them

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Cross Country

see I was stretching and this bozo here tried to kick me in between the legs

lol

no we're actually trying to strecth our legs not our faces

pictures from my dear friend edwin

letters never sent

2007-05-21T21:55:00.000+08:00

Sweetie,
Last night, I dont know I was just thinking about you, about me, about us. I was thinking about the lies I made you believe, and those that I would be telling you. Do you even deserve this? treating you this way... Im not sure what you are to me anymore. I was just thinking and they say its wrong to use people, but thats how I feel about us now. You were my antithesis, almost every damn thing I stood against. The theory of the derailed train just seems so real. Why the guilt then? My head's hurting just thinking of all these questions I left unanswered. So is this who I really am without you? How many more lies? How many more because I know...
What I miss... isnt you

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My angel,
Now you never really got an apology from me. guess you pretty much know that its over. Im done with being so dumb, I mean to hate you? So self-centered you couldnt believe. But now I learn that at times, you need to look at things from perspectives beyong your own. and when I finally did. I understaood my foolishness.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hey,
Its embarrassing for me, really. But I dont know. It kinda also feels a teeny weeny lil bit weird for me to even do this. um. ok so we were always close now weren't we. you're one of the few people I can trust. and um lean on. Its vice versa, we're more than friends. duh.

you make me sick

2007-05-15T00:14:00.000+08:00

and Ive decided
Im going to hate you

Whenever I see your face
I want to vomit

Whenever I hear your voice
I want to rip my ears off

You
Make
Me
Sick

sick right down to my stomach
and I cant take it anymore

so go away
my O level examination is in 2 weeks
yes go away you're no help at all

but the funny thing about this is
I know your love for me is unconditional

well

Im not that sure about mine

hmmmm

2007-05-13T17:56:00.000+08:00

ok so Ive been sitting here for the last 10 minutes
thinking
because I just dont know
if I should feel sorry now or wonder why im taking all this shit

did you know on thursday
I couldnt speak more than 10 words during recess
did you know
I actually had lunch by myself in someplace
did you know
I stayed there for more than an hour. yes by myself

so please dont give me your 'dont tell me it wont affect you bla bla BLA BLA' crap

look
look
see it actually AFFECTED ME
wow
can you tell?
I was an emotional wreck

I was hurt

by my you and everyone else in this family
and I wasnt really mad at any of you
I knew that you were right and all that fucking bullshit
thats why I dont blame anyone for all of the crap I was feeling

so I didnt do my homework for a few days
yea BIG DEAL
had no mood to do whatever it is the f*** I had to

I made a promise to myself
by the end of the weekend
I would pick myself up and everything would be normal again
Id be a better person

2 weeks ago I told my tuition teacher to stop for one week because I had my midyears, and because the chinese paper was over.

so theres supposed to be lesson today but there was a misunderstanding he thought our lessons resumed only next week from now.

yea sorry Im so distracted
so distracted that I didnt message him to confirm that there was supposed to be lessons today when I OBVIOUSLY KNEW THERE WAS A MISUNDERSTANDING
yea i mean I OBVIOUSLY KNEW he didnt know there was supposed to be lessons and im so distracted that I didnt do anything about it
im so sorry

yea im so sorry for arranging a make up lesson this thursday
and technically not missing a tuition session
see im sorry ok

heck im sorry for even being distracted at all
how bout that?

im so sorry that i didnt do all of his 3 essays and 4 comprehension passages for homework
yea im like perfectly mentally and emotionally sound and therefore there was absolutely no reason at all for me not completing every single one of his assignments

oh and I also have to apologise for trying my best to control my feelings these past few days
Im sorry that im trying to cope with everything
Im just so sorry that Ive planned to not be affected anymore on monday and put my O level chinese as my first priority

maybe ill just go to school tomorrow and be all like menopause this time
sounds fun?

yea so y'see im still not very sure if I should feel sorry
or wonder why you have to put me through just soooo muuuuccchhhhhhhh crap

are you ok

2007-05-12T03:11:00.000+08:00

'why you look so pissed?'

I shrug and shake my head

'why so sad?'

'you know every once a month, this natural magical phenomena takes place'

'huh?'

'Im having menstrual cramps, and last night was my first time, so I stayed up until 4 to learn how to cope with it'

'are you ok?'

shakes head

'do you want to take blue form and go home?'

shakes head

'are you ok? you look like you're in pain'

'i do? cool'

----------------------------------------------------------------

thanks for being there for me now

----------------------------------------------------------------

but Im losing it
asking myself a question never hurt this much
but I need to

wasnt this what you wanted
wasnt this what you wanted
wasnt this what you wanted
wasnt this what you wanted

2007-05-08T21:31:00.000+08:00

What I want from you
Is something you cant give me

I drop down to my knees
my knuckles on the floor
and I say to myself as quietly as possible

Wasnt this what you wanted

-----------------------------------------------

I love you
Desiree Natalie Wee Xin Yun

nobody makes me smile like you do
and you're one of the few people I genuinely care about

Warrior

2007-05-01T02:29:00.000+08:00

I was eating lunch in the canteen
then guess who sat down beside me

Andre

----------------------------------------------------------------

I march on

with my heavy armour

wearing me down

I march on

with my heavy shield

not making a sound

I march on

dragging my boots

carrying my heavy heart

I march on

dragging my sword

along with bleeding parts

I march on

asking myself

can I take anymore

I march on

asking myself

what all this is for

beautiful soul

2007-04-29T19:06:00.000+08:00

you are who you are
there is nothing else you need to be
your honesty and kindness
is good enough for me

so dont try so hard
just to attract attention
because what you are inside
is already perfection

there isnt any part of you
that needs to be to changed
to be twisted or bent
or even rearranged

because you dont have to look
like a movie star
you are completely fine
just the way you are

this is natural
this is true
this is something
that God gave you

so why hide behind a mask
why hide the real you
why hide from the world

something so beautiful

can you say

2007-04-26T21:05:00.000+08:00

Sports day?
for some reason
I wasnt really there

dont ask me
I have no idea what this guy is up to

ok this looks abit wrong
but he was trying to kiss me when I was carrying him
wtf

haha i gave this LOVELY rose to my mom
she knows I cant fold anything except planes and hearts
so shes still suspicious about who gave it to me

----------------------------------------------------

can you say
there's no more fight left in me

there is something
I need to ask you
coz in the end
who's fixing who

ok its our turn

2007-04-25T16:36:00.000+08:00

ok its our turn

cmon it was 2 in the morning
cant really expect me to be sane

hahaha

oh crap
I lost the picture with us wearing the peak cap
damn it

o yea
theres a mother lover who went around stealing stuff today
I wish people like that would just die

-------------------------------------------------------------

I hope to hell...
and pray to God...

I may not be

2007-04-24T20:28:00.000+08:00

I may not be someone like Joe
but Id still offer you my hand
compassion is in my nature
but would you ever understand

record time

2007-04-23T00:55:00.000+08:00

I want you to tell me
you've been there and done that

because the funny thing about me is
I learn fast

god...
it was record time
talk about incentive
you cant do this to me

------------------------------------------

love you

happy now?

get high or die trying

2007-04-19T23:38:00.000+08:00

Its ridiculous
You're the only damn thing thats keeping me awake

but whats the use
you distract me anyway

Grace Kelly
its get high or die trying
but you're doing more than Mika ever could
you're keeping me alive

God...
this really cant be happening

just gorgeous

2007-04-19T00:48:00.000+08:00

Stab me once

shame on you
Stab me twice
you better be careful

-------------------------------------------------

welll its the last time im doing any of this $#^t
so yipee i guess

I dont get you
really
all your friends could
so now why couldnt you

yea you could if you would

you're clean
but disgusting...
just gorgeous

ouch

2007-04-15T04:27:00.000+08:00

I dont know what hurts more
my ear or my pride
because I really got one hell of an earful

and its been awhile
since i couldnt say a thing
i have absolutely nothing to defend myself
whatever she said
its true
Im getting from bad to worse
I am just wasting so much time
Im not focusing
I am just turning into one big mess

so when am I gonna wake up
and realise that im really not as smart as I think I am
I cant get good grades if I dont work for it
Im not invincible

pride
comes
before
a
fall

(s)hell

2007-04-14T19:31:00.000+08:00

I havent gotten much sleep
although believe me
I need it
See theres something about what you said
that got me thinking and, I wanna get some things off my chest

she said maybe I was 'sian' of ncc
well my first reaction was that it was ridiculous
me? tired of ncc?
but I began to think. and maybe
just maybe
she was right

you just came and reminded me
of the words, hands, hearts
how great it all was
something that maybe over time
I chose to forget

Im tired
Im tired at the fact that we arent what we used to be.
we're not even a shadow, not even a pale reflection.
maybe just 6 or 8 years ago.
Ive heard stories. It was hell, but we said we were men... ... we were so proud.
we loved it here
the pain the tears the joy
there was just so much
we were so rich
there was meaning

I wanted a taste of that
but we never did get the chance
more importantly
I wanted my cadets to experience it
but how can you teach something you havent learned

its like a cancer
we have cancer
decaying on the inside

but what do i care
5 more trainings and ill be gone
well i guess
Im not the kind who does things just for the sake of it
Im the kind who does things because i believe in them
so i cant really take what you've said lightly can i?

after what you said
it feels like we're nowhere
oh
how much power we have
it doesnt make much sense
I have held back
because of many things

times have changed, havent they
all of us are like sissies now arent we
we just dont do things like we used to
the 20 push-up limit
I guess they really are serious about this
a csm got suspended for exceeding the limit

maybe i am tired
tired of pleasing people
i try too hard to earn their respect and all
as an acsm I dont really have a proper job scope
but i cant be useless
Ive told myself
after 3 years of crap and hard work to get where i am, I cant stop now
thats why i want to do things
but i cant do other people's jobs for them
thats why sometimes i feel nowhere
maybe being a level-in-charge would be better
you would have all the right to mould them into the cadets you want them to be
let them taste what it was like before

well you told us we didnt have to be afraid
afraid of rules and stuff
we didnt have to be afraid of restrictions made by teachers
we could still do things the way they were done

but times have changed my friend

and so have i

you made me realise
my priorities shifted
that ive lost pride
ive stopped believing in the things we do
but there was a time when i could really feel the meaning
in everything we did
there was a time
when I believed

we only have 5 trainings left with them
if only
if only you werent so late

but no matter what
a hundred years
one whole century
we still have that on our shoulders

thats why Ive thought about it and decided

with whatever time we have left
we will do whatever we can
and we are going to
burn
out
bright

I still remember

2007-04-13T00:44:00.000+08:00

well Im not really sure where this came from but
just look at that
and imagine the sunrise
I remember watching it from the 3rd level foyer
with the gentle breeze stroking my face
I never really get used to how beautiful it gets at my school

ok see this dude over here
hes just about the horniest Vietnamese ever

yea but this guy's the coolest

well congrats Andre

-----------------------------------------------------------

maybe
just maybe
if I could take back one day...

even after everything youve done
all the things Ive felt
where we are now
has it really been that long?
because I still remember
how it was

just you...
and me

2007-04-10T00:08:00.000+08:00

You know...
its funny how you didnt end up with the best of me
but rather
you got
a part of me
that no one else does

but the only thing thats worrying me is
I want you to deserve it

Id do it again

2007-04-08T01:41:00.000+08:00

40 hours
I feel so cold
40 hours
has taken its toll

40 hours
its like I fell
40 hours
Im still not well

40 hours
I stood awake
40 hours
it was a big mistake

40 hours
now I feel the pain
40 hours
damn
I think Id do it again

---------------------------------------------

if you cant find me Im the one with the red sash

2007-04-06T23:50:00.000+08:00

Ever seen magic?

Genius

2007-04-04T13:11:00.000+08:00

Never do tomorow

What you can do today

its not the exact phrase... but

Genius

I mean

seriously

genius

how do we not worship the guy

because everything on my end

is sluggish

overdue

lagging

time is just wooshing past me

and i cant seem hold to on to it

I dont know

its like Ive been knocked off my feet

and now Im just trying to get back up

but there'll always be a tomorow

yea

kiss my skinny white @$$

----------------------------------------------

speaking of overdue

I know you liked my gift

Jenny went out the window

2007-04-01T23:34:00.000+08:00

please
I dont want any moremedcine
they dont even freakin work
Im just so sick of being sick

its like
being tired of sleeping
can you imagine
tired of sleeping
god.

imagine
you're dead and you're just too lazy to be alive again
coz thats how the medcine's making me feel

anyway

Thursday
I actually took a blue form
I was like a blue form virgin all these while
and I swear
if I ever become a doctor
I will prescribe medcine that actually work
and be a much better Josephian doctor than that Dr something
heck I cant even pronounce his name right

Friday
Long day
the usual
but maybe I shouldnt have shouted so much

Saturday

Cant believe I actually dragged myself out
I swear I could have fallen asleep walking

------------------------------------------------------

I guess Ive missed my chance to get high

So whats a screen saver for
the way my phone cuts the edges
its really just
perfect

I dont know how that happened
I really cant figure it out
but thats how
Jenny went out the window

2007-03-28T20:03:00.000+08:00

They say

Hell have no fury... ...

I know

but I mean

why

why is that?

because I think thats just the stupidest thing in the world

seriously

---------------------------------------------------

okok

heres a question

how much can scotchtape do to fix my pen?

anyway

damn

I gotta stop skipping lunch

Ill take the blame

2007-03-27T01:14:00.000+08:00

ohhh
its suffocating my thought
I cant think straight
I think Im insane

shhh
you're shouting in my ear
I cant relax
I feel much disdain

shhh
you're driving in my mouth
I cant speak
my time is down the drain

grrr
you're crawling up my skin
I cant scratch
you are my bane

but
you take these things
and give them so much value
you're devotion
I shant complaint

but
you run these things
and never think of yourself
you're sacrifice
I feel your pain

but
you do these things
and would die for me
you're love
I feel the shame

but
you say these things
and flush our frustration
you're true

Ill take the blame

She's a princess

2007-03-19T23:32:00.000+08:00

This is a little something
about someone I know

She's the princess
without a crown
not jealous of inner beauty
she never found

Ugly inside
she never knew
a class of her own
her arrogance grew

The people are forced
to praise her beauty
if they want to escape
from her wrath and cruelty
she believes her mirror
is her most loyal friend
the only one she can trust
until the very end
but her mirror lies to her
every single night
and these false praises
distorts her very sight

Is he ugly
Is he hot
Is he cute
or is he not
She judges everyone she sees
only by their looks
though she cant tell
the knights from the crooks

Shes protected by a superficial wall
to break her every fall
a wall made of
nothing but wealth and fame
a wall built so high
to hide her shame

She thinks shes seen it all
but she doesnt know anything
except shoes, necklaces
and a brand new diamond ring

Awaiting her handsome prince
to make her heart numb
waiting for this gallant hero
who will never ever come

So who can save
this lovely princess
without breaking her heart
or making a mess
save her from
her own self-absorbency
arrogance, ignorance
and make belief royalty

Maybe it would be someone
with exceptional bravery
but rest assured that someone

Will never be me

whats a brother

2007-03-18T21:12:00.000+08:00

I was never good
at holding back my tears
but at least now I know Im getting better at it

so tell me
whats a brother

.

why are we wrong

2007-03-16T23:51:00.000+08:00

I can't really do the rhymes
so maybe just wait another time

You scared me out of my wits today
no really
I was totally shocked
I mean
How do you feel the way I do
without even a simple exchange of words
I never felt closer to you before
Ill never figure it out
but I guess it doesnt matter
At that moment
I could have sworn
It was just magic

--------------------------------------------

Shhhhhh

This is to the people who cant really be happy
Why are we wrong

---------------------------------------------

Muskateers?
nah
but close

my arms failed me in front of them
god help me forgive their incompetence

so whats dinner with both your parents
when You're full before you started

but see I got to try on 2 shirts in one day

Where did Mr. nice guy go

2007-03-15T20:07:00.000+08:00

Where did Mr. nice guy go

well don't ask me

I don't know

what happened to the guy

who would never tell a lie

coz You just flash you money

right in my face

and expect everything

to go into place

well I wasnt doing it for you

and I really didnt want to

now just listen closely

pay attention and do it carefully

You better start holding on

to this very soul

before you ask me

where did Mr. nice guy go

----------------------------------------------------

Meet my cousin
like I did today
a handful at times
but cute anyway

I must make it home

2007-03-13T01:20:00.000+08:00

Well there isnt much that I can say
even though I really enjoyed
most of today

so it isnt a secret
that I cant study outside
not at starbucks or KFC
or even on a bus ride

and I still cant believe
that my spectacles actually fell apart
it was my favourite pair
and I could feel the pain in my heart

I was on the verge of
being scared to death
going home all by myself
after Pearlyn left

I had to be strong
through the night
even though I lost
half my sense of sight

I turned all of my fear
to anger and determination
"I must make it home"
my mind never lost concentration

I had to ask strangers
for their kind assistance
relying on my courage
and everlasting persistance

when I finally made it back
I gave a sigh of relief
showed my parents my broken specs
much to their disbelief

I felt so lucky
I didnt receive a lecture
but trust me
that was one hell of an adventure

---------------------------------------------

their beloved ivory tower

2007-03-08T23:31:00.000+08:00

oh my god
I managed to retrieve my pencil case
I was just so relieved
you should have seen my face

anyway what he said
'ugly and immature'
I was like
'oh my god is that for sure'

and for the whole of today
its been about the same thing
even when we were having our recess
at the crowded canteen

and at the end of it
I was just thinking see
If I look down on snobs
what does that make me

shouting 'I'm better than you'
from their beloved Ivory tower
shutting everyone out
satisfied with their superficial power

coz they never talk to anyone
they deem unworthy
judging people they dont know
now isnt that just crazy

I guess I was just misunderstood
because they were not getting the message like they should

that wasnt the reason why
I shut her out
it was hard to explain myself
and I really had the feeling to shout

but maybe Im just tired
or I didnt want you to worry
I didnt mean to do that
so Im kinda sorry

... ...

2007-03-07T20:42:00.000+08:00

Cant say much
Im not in the mood
Cause my pencil case isnt with me
And that aint good

but

2007-03-05T22:49:00.000+08:00

I like Switchfoot's album
but not their new music
I'll enjoy watching movies
but not some dumb chic flick

I like getting a haircut
but not my new look
I kinda like A-Math
but not the guy who stole my notebook

I like wearing the cloak
but not the paint
I like leading the cheers
but I won't do it again

I like the jelly
but not how the drink tastes
I like the food here
but not this place

I like going out for dinner
but not when I'm this tired
I like the service they offer
but not that waitress they hired

I like to just relax when Im eating
but not if there isnt any time
I like it when we talk and laugh
but not if I have something on my mind

I like the freedom of monday
but not the monday blues
I like your pretty face

but not you

oh and guess what

I'm blushing because I have a crush on you

Don't give me that look

2007-03-04T19:44:00.000+08:00

Don't give me that look
or Ill pull your eyes out
I want you to
grab me by my collar
pull me up to where you are
look me dead in the eye
and tell me

you didnt know who I wanted to be

Get off my back
before I stab you in yours
I want you to
press your hand on my shoulder
turn me around
flash your beloved finger at me
and tell me

you couldnt see through my masks

Stop giving me the frozen shoulder
or Ill shatter your arm
I want you to
push me to the corner
squeeze my neck
clench your other fist
and tell me

you never heard what I wanted to say

from weak to strong
so tell me
were you right or wrong

cant make it to hollywood

2007-03-03T00:51:00.000+08:00

Im so sick of this
the world is made of brilliant actors right?

I mean I dont get it
I just dont
how can you tell me you know someone

when you dont even talk to them

so what
am I the only person in the world who cant make it to hollywood?

cat in the water

2007-02-28T23:54:00.000+08:00

ever since Ive gotten over you
things have been really quiet

and the peace is...
beautiful

--------------------------------------

Today was just water
so much of it
hold on
there might still be some stuck in my ear

where was my pink umbrella when I needed it
o well,
didnt we all used to like playing in the rain?

and have any of you ever stared at how the water just falls
I could just about skip lunch to do that
just sit
and look outside my window

I learned how to swim today
yes today
cat in the water
apart from molesting other guys
I cant make it

you guys want me to what?
take a look
Im not kidding
I gave up before you all thought about it

so dont ask me to swim
you got frog
butterfly
erm I dont noe
whats freestyle

but humans
u noe humans
they actually do something called
WALKING

what?
is Sinagpore gonna flood?
you asking me if I ever swam home?
or to get to the other side of a road
god... a road

alright Im just kidding
see the only things I wanna do in a pool

a)check out the babes
b)play with the water
c)play with them
d)

well there isnt a D
so see my point yet

words to the big bad man

2007-02-27T23:26:00.000+08:00

Hey Big Bad Man

you

SUCK

oh my god
you have no idea how much you really do suck

we are family dumbass
go F*** a spider or something
leave us the hell alone

what the hell did I ever do to you
Who the hell do you even think you are
coming and messing things up for me
its cause of you that I was mad at my family
it isnt even my fault and I have to go through this shit

man
I really cant believe you
do me a favour
go back to the shithole you came from
never show ur face to nobody

you dont know how much I wanna flash my finger at you

I hope you die

and I wish I could tell you to

Fuck
the
hell
off

---------------------------------------------------------

you know I didnt actually know there were actual F***ers like you around
but you sure did take the cake

YOU

SUCK

laugh cmon

2007-02-26T22:45:00.000+08:00

I just want you all to be quiet
please

daddy
mummy
please dont do this

coz
you're making me so scared

I feel like run away from all this crap
I wanna lock myself in my room
hug my pillow and go to sleep

and Im really scared as hell

dad
I know you're mad
but this isnt fun
not for anybody

the walls all come down
and you feel a chill right down your bones
makes you feel so small...
helpless anyway

first time I had to go through this shit
and Im done listening to all that crap
Im not even going to try to find out what the hells going on
i just want to shut you all out

Ill play my music
Ill even do D-12- my band
or Eminem
Chef- Chocolate Salty Balls

just
whatever makes you luagh
cmon

I finally realise how much
quarelling really sucks

i didnt wish

2007-02-25T22:49:00.000+08:00

I was catching a movie last night
and I didnt wish I was watching it with you

I was having so much fun last night
and I didnt wish you were there with me

I was watching her sleep last night
and for the first time
I didnt wish it was you I was watching

the way i see it
the difference between love and hate
is indifference

Ive thought about it
and Im not sure if I even feel anything about you anymore
its just

you dont deserve this much feeling from me

for the first time since I couldnt remember
Im not feeling crap
Im done

but Ill still remember our story
your story
about a girl

who changed my life

...

2007-02-24T12:25:00.000+08:00

I wanna know what you were doing last night
because I never thought I would ever cry myself to sleep

I hate every damn thing about you

you can never imagine how intense this hate is
you cant even guess
you dont even know how strong it is
every single minute
every single day

for someone like me
for someone who has given up everything he knew
everything he liked
everything he was good at
changed his whole life
just so he could feel

and the only thing that is left of me is feel

and every single feeling inside of me
every damn thing that I can feel
is hate

I hate you so much

can you even imagine
everything inside of me
everything that I am
hates you

everything I knew or even liked
I gave it up for feeling

so how strong can this hate possibly be
for someone like me

I hate every single thing about you

2007-02-23T22:50:00.000+08:00

I hate you
so so much
I hate every single damn thing about you
I hate what you were
I hate who you are
I hate what you might become

Ive never felt something this strong before
Ive never felt a hate this powerful
you cant imagine how much I hate every single thing about you
and I dont believe anybody feels the way I do about you now

I hate the way you talk
I hate your shiny eyes
I hate the way you walk
I hate your fine hair
I hate your pretty face
I even hate the clothes you wear

I
hate
every
single
damn
thing
about
you

between you and me

2007-02-22T21:58:00.000+08:00

I almost dropped to my knees
and rolled over the floor laughing
I was just afraid people would stare

but what I did was stand in the shower
and laugh my head off
because

hahaha
someone actually thinks you're ugly

you sure fooled them didnt you

but now you're dead
and I dont even know it

and
If Im smiling with people
its fake
If Im smiling to myself
now thats real

If Im laughing with people
maybe the joke was good
or its fake
If I burst out laughing from nowhere
now thats real

I just want to kiss that girl in those blue converse sneakers

so lets do lines
----------------------------------------

theres a fine line between courage and stupidity
theres a fine line between acting and lying
theres a fine line between giving and taking
theres a fine line between laughing and hurting inside
theres a fine line between insanity and genius
theres a fine line between love and hate

theres a fine line between you
and me

I wanna tell you

2007-02-21T22:27:00.000+08:00

hmm lets see
things I wanna tell you

ok
I wanna tell you I know why I stopped playing computer games
I wanna tell you I know why I stopped talking to god here
I wanna tell you I know why I can just burst out laughing
I wanna tell you I know why I can just smile
I wanna tell you I know why I dont feel bored anymore
I wanna tell you I know why I can be distracted from everything
I wanna tell you I know why I drank that beer
I wanna tell you I know why I have no real hobby now
I wanna tell you I know why I kiss my speaker
I wanna tell you I know why I stopped using my school diary
I wanna tell you I know why I dont give much of anything about anybody
I wanna tell you I know why my life changed

I wanna tell you the picture of you in my phone fixes that bloody crack

are we having fun yet

2007-02-20T23:42:00.000+08:00

they say
Broes before Hoes

well
my broes aint got the best of me

hahaha
heres an idea
why not YOU guess who does

coz its like
its like
asking L?? ?u?n Y?? if he thinks he looks like an Orang Utan

well this feels like the way Ive been feeling when I was trying to dance 2 minutes ago
so shall we?

the best part of my whole day
was seating in the backseat
listening to the radio
listening to songs that actually stink
wish I could punch the DJ

daddy
dont stop
cmon lets drive to Changi and back

aw
let me drive then

what?
no coz
just ...

I just dont wanna go home
like the way I don wanna wake up
though I actually did at one today

it doesnt feel enough
I wanna do the
'things I wanna tell you' part
guess im going to have to wait

because tomorow is school
a place where wasting time is actually glorified

you wouldnt catch me jumping for joy
I cant think about you anymore
now its just feel

so
are we having fun yet

my HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR

2007-02-20T01:47:00.000+08:00

Im half drunk and you know what

lets see
this Lunar New Year you guys called

hes not my friend
hahaha
like I know this S***

man does CNY suck
or issit just the stench

I smell my brain
he says: lay it off B****!

we get to eat bakua
get they cash from ang paos
we get to see people we might not even like

imagine if they had a middle finger shoved at them
maybe they'll fold their angpao money into hearts
and invite my friends for some steamboat

my happy chinese new year
man isnt it just selfish people
they turn every thing upside down see
just like that word
idunnoe 'fu'

ahahah well
yo' wealth hafta come from someone else fool

then then maybe its racism
all the chinese get more prosperous
because we suck money from the other races huh?

hahaha HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR
welcome to my house
lay off dont touch my stuff Bi***
go sit in that corner
or ask ur mom to pass me my ang pao

Ill join the uncles
we shoud have a stuff prawn rolls up your nose contest

and I do like ur house
but not you
although it just boes the sh** out of me sometimes
Ill just sit around because my parents want me to
and ill just stare and act all nice
coz I dont wanna piss you off or embarass my family
really
can my friends hijack this place
I mean woah
imagine if we could wreck it
press rewind and do it all over again

you know what
this is chinese new year people
rounds of poker
not mahjong yet
im still not that good but
I wanna con the money from ur lil' pork bank

o yes
yesss its the pig this time
what? we gonna sleep more?
HAHAHAHAHA
what if we feed bacon to our piggy friends
luck luck luck

LOL its all bull
bull bull bull
wait its not hes turn yet but
its just different versions of him I guess
this time its a bull with a curly tail and a fat nose

MY chinese new year
I should do this more
the feeling
stabbing myself over and over
coz I know how my speaker tastes like
you can catch me making out with him almost every other night

man...
Im so going to lose weight because...
the food u all try to feed me
the stuff u all try to cook
and ask me to try

SUCKS
and Im not eating
shit see im not hungry
im not

i only like ur bakua
leme finish them if they're soft
i hate those hard ones that I cant chew
I wanna spit them out and flick them at you

we gotta do this every year
man cmon life is kinda short
maybe
maybe if my whole family
ate McDonalds for the reunion dinner
we skip new years
and still get ang bao money
along with too many chocolate coins for me to eat

ahahahahaha
you dont know how glad I am that this is the holidays

have you ever tasted the ashes

2007-02-17T21:58:00.000+08:00

The whitest slap
does anyone even know what it feels like

I cant say its too early
theres never going to be a right time

but I'm no actor

because theres this book Ive beendying to burn
Theres this charger Ive been dying to light up
Theres this other phone I wanna burn
Theres this Tshirt I want on fire
Theres these notes I wouldnt dare to burn
Theres this watch I really should have burned

Theres our wall I need burned to the ground

so tell me
have you ever tasted the ashes
------------------------------------

god
I gotta stop kissing my speaker

what I wouldnt do

2007-02-11T21:53:00.000+08:00

girl what I wouldnt do
for you to give me one more chance

I swear Ill be good this time

I swear Ill be good this time

I swear Ill be good this time

I swear Ill be good this time

I swear Ill be better than good this time

I swear Ill be better than good this time

I swear Ill be better than good this time

I swear Ill be better than good this time

stop my music

2007-02-10T15:57:00.000+08:00

you dont know how much I want you to stop my music
I could be on my knees begging you
though I wouldnt let u see it

cmon just make my day

please stop my music
please stop my music
please stop my music
please stop my music

---------------------------------------------

girl
you
need
to
give
me
one
more
chance

...

2007-02-09T00:20:00.000+08:00

"shes just for practice"

"oh my god!"

"haha... I was just kidding"

"you so are not!"

would things change

2007-02-06T23:41:00.000+08:00

what if I could just cry my eyes out this time

would things change

I know I have all the answers
but Im not listening to myself

it already feels like forever
and theres only so much that I wanna take

god

......

2007-02-05T20:17:00.000+08:00

Ive shown you my fucking tears today

so what more do you want to see

please

2007-02-04T23:36:00.000+08:00

well Ive just had a thought
and for a second I was unsure

but you're real
so real
who am I to compare fantasy

please
please
please
please
please

I cant wait

my retreat

2007-02-02T00:19:00.000+08:00

my retreat

even after a long day
or crap thrown at me

Ill retreat
from all of this
to you

so at the end
manage a smile for me

--------------------------------

we know

we are slaves to our genes

You slapped me so hard

2007-01-30T23:17:00.000+08:00

You slapped me so hard
it stopped my heart from beating

hit me
just dont knock me out
or let me go back to sleep

coz this
this did the trick
this has just woken me up

--------------------------------------

I dont really give a crap about
who might say what to me
who might do anything to me

I just need us to be cool
thats all I care about

but when I see your face
your #&%ing face

things get more complicated

but honestly

2007-01-26T23:51:00.000+08:00

I was happy

but I guess

I wasnt happy with you
or even for you

i think this feeling
its being happy about you

but honestly

Ive been feeling guilty
of this happiness
its not easy to stay this way

------------------------------
ahahahaha'

star girl

Invincible

2007-01-24T00:46:00.000+08:00

Today I was reminded of something
from my past
somebody

hahahahaha
its funny

coz
to think how much Ive changed
maybe she never wanted to grow up

but heres the thing
heres the thing

I really am laughing
because its you
you make me feel

invincible

you really do
I dont have to have the best of you
but its just the thought
even just the thought alone
and Im

Invincible

lol

2007-01-23T00:05:00.000+08:00

Hahahahaha

I know why I am laughing to myself

lol
its
its
hahahaha

--------------------

Blondie !

Yes

2007-01-21T22:38:00.000+08:00

One Night

One Night

One Night

One Night

Yes

-------------

you

rock

start with you again

2007-01-19T23:13:00.000+08:00

Heads up high
feel the weather

coz whenever I just stop
and feel you everywhere

I turn the whole world around
and things are happy

I think you're teaching me
stop with them
start with you again

no matter what
its not any stupid girl

coz ur my only one

If I had the best of her

2007-01-18T00:35:00.000+08:00

If I had the best of her
I wouldnt be feeling crap

If I had the best of her
I wouldnt feel so selfish

If I had the best of her
I wouldnt be wanting everything else

I am doing it on purpose
hope you dont find out
but if in any slightest way
you feel what you're not supposed to

Im sorry
Im such an idiot

when can I miss you

2007-01-13T21:38:00.000+08:00

I feel like crap
I do
Im a wreck

I dont wanna take any more of this

so
when can I miss you

if you were lying

2007-01-09T23:30:00.000+08:00

how great it would be
if you were lying

if it was all fake
if it was all a show

man
how good would that be

but we both know
you're not the type

--------------------------------

oh and
I still would ditch just about the whole world

I would

2007-01-08T22:56:00.000+08:00

I would just about Ditch everyone

every
single
one
on
this
planet

though I didnt
spend the night with you

I so $%@#ing would

no really
I would

the best of me?

2007-01-07T23:28:00.000+08:00

the best of me?

well...
you know...

shes not even in your league

......

2007-01-06T22:45:00.000+08:00

"I've got one last confession to make"

...........

"I'm your fool"

the rest of you

2007-01-05T23:44:00.000+08:00

I think you already know you're special

You taught me all of this
and I never thanked you

and I shouldn't
its unfair to you

so I guess Ill just have to take

the rest of you

The Best Of You

2007-01-04T20:55:00.000+08:00

the best of you...

the best of you...

I know what it means to be a friend
you have taught me this
you have taught me so much
its so $#%^ing ironic
I dont think its even funny

but its
THE BEST OF YOU
THE BEST OF YOU
THE BEST OF YOU
THE BEST OF YOU

......

2007-01-03T16:26:00.000+08:00

"I've got another confession to make"

..........

"I'm no fool"

what do you call that?

2007-01-02T20:09:00.000+08:00

My license has ended
I got something for myself at last
but I didnt catch the movie

what do you call that?

bitter-sweet

I should be eating those chocolates.
I think their bitter sweet

I gotta get used to this
its the taste in my $%^&#ing mouth

oh hell
I pray I do
coz its the way its going to be now

-------------------------------------------

strength
oh strength
for whats ahead

Happy New Year

2007-01-01T00:17:00.000+08:00

If there was a word I knew
that could describe what i am feeling now

@#$%&!

--------------------------------------------

Ive learned my lesson
I wont forget about New Years ever again

--------------------------------------------

2006 is behind me

Happy New Year

its gonna be one hell of an exciting year for me
Ill give you that

we're here

2007

2006

2006-12-29T00:04:00.000+08:00

This Year

Has been the best year of my entire life

I mean it with more sincerity than I'd believe

I have changed so much
and I'm so sure that its for the better

So I'm breaking out for once, just to take a look at it all.
for everything
---------------------------------------------------------

I was in an entirely new class this year, with few familiar faces around. The people were mainly very different from those i was used to mix around with. They were more focused on their studies, and not so outgoing or playful. so I feel that suddenly Im no longer just in the crowd, or fading away. I feel that I make alot of difference in this new class, I was somebody.

but To my sweet surprise... I was doing so much better academically in this class than ever before. I was never second in class before, and to imagine that this class was academically superior to my previous class.

this was the year which I would assume and take over leadership positions in my CCA.

SJI NCC LAND

this is something very important to me, because I believe I made it so. I hold great pride in being in this CCA, I always did. Ever since the first training. the very first one. I had given everything I could for SJI NCC LAND. so naturally my posting of leadership role in my CCA would definitely mean a hell lot to me. I worked towards becoming the Company Seargent Major ever since the first training this year. I gave so much, and tried so hard.

finally I was told that it was either me or Thiaghu. I believe that he is more capable than me in more ways than the reverse but I didnt care, I still wanted it very badly. Thiaghu told me that it is normal to be this selfish.

so congrats Thiaghu, you beat me to it. I had expected this, but was happy to just hold on to that tiny shred of hope out of selfishness I was quite sad but I knew it was ok Learn.

Accept it. I've tried my best, so move on

I cried this year too

because I knew I would be the best candidate for a certain leadership role but I had always hated it. I didn't know what to do. I didnt know what I wanted anymore. To think about all the times I've been in SJI NCC LAND, and finally being lost. After enduring everything and giving so much… its like I don’t know what for anymore.

but that finally worked out in the end strange, but it actually did.
I laughed at my tears then

I fell ill, and missed AP, after so much preparation and after it all.
I missed it.
I laughed and I laughed
I had always complained that i would have to march in the Annual parade for all 4 years.

and off I was to National Camp.
There were so many people from so many different backgrounds and personalities.
I interacted with them and made new friends
I guess this was where I stopped being a fucking snob, an arrogant punk. I looked at the good in people, and for once, not the bad. I learned to be so much more open with people and simply just to be frank with others.
to be myself and not be afraid
It was here that I started accepting people for who they are, instead of wanting them to change who they are just because I wanted them to. and in fact now i look at it and think 'everyone is perfect'. I mean their flaws make them perfect. Its their flaws that make a part of who they are. Perfection is a flaw to me. Ive learned to like people and to acknowledge that they are who they are.

so i couldnt study for term 3 assessments. and after all the expectations and everything, I didn't perform.

so after all the stress, expectations and everything about my posting in SJI NCC LAND settled and over, with the end of term 3, I felt so relieved. For all the shit I've been through and drinking all that mud. I was absolutely happy for one, after being through it all. so on Flag day, I wanted to search for that excitement and fun. Do something real nuts. I actually did something I would never have done at all. I went asking stranger's for their number.
I'm smiling now.

and strangely I always wanted to be a prefect in lower secondary. Chance never came. But when I was in sec 3, I totally didn’t want it, much less even think about it. You see to me, wearing that badge and that tie means nothing, unless you make it so. I mean u can like be a prefect, a model student without the damn tie and badge. O well, I guess life invented humour anyway. But I got nominated to be a prefect in sec 3. seriously was troubled by a lot of things already and I almost backed out. See the only reason I went for the interview and wanted to be a prefect in the end was because it looks good on paper.

but I couldn't figure out. the world was kind of a blur to me. who am I? I didn't know. because I knew how to be more open and to be myself. but in doing so I was afraid that I couldn't be what others might want me to be, their ACSM. I kept on thinking and pondering about the whole damn issue. I was thinking alot about so many things, rethinking and challenging what i thought I knew. I was confused and this was probably one of those times when my world seem shrouded with uncertainty

until I had a talk about life with my good ol' dad. i realised that what he thought about life was very very similar to mine. and it wasnt like he thought me something new or anything. but he sure made what i was beginning to believe in concrete, and solid for me to hold on to.

it was amazing
and I never thought much about it but it was more of an affirmation than anything else really.
to think I had the same perception as a nearly 50 year old guy.

yea and I only came up with these ideas this year

I had finally seen what I should, and to wake up, to realise life. To understand and break out, be myself, out of this and defeat my identity crisis. To know who I am and what life is to me.
Finally it felt so good

and then to make it real easy to hold on to, I came up with my own motto in life The world is my joke to perceive, with lines and truth

The world is a joke. looking at this line, one might be inclined to believe of the pessimism in its meaning. well, ironically if you can understand and look through its fragile surface, you will learn that it is actually quite the opposite. See what is very important in life is to accept and come to terms with things. To look at the bright side of things, to find humour and joy in the world no matter what fate might bestow upon you. To laugh, and move on.

and this is my world to perceive. It is my life. I will be who I want to be. I dont have to be what others want me to be. Im not going to put up a front in front of people. I dont owe them a fucking living, why should I. I'm going to work my ass off, and my very best to be who I want to be in my life. I'll just be myself without fearing what others might believe. because this is my life, and besides... I'm not going to live it the way others want me to. Im going to live it the way I want to. Like I told myself. I wanted to do well in my exams. So I worked very hard for it. I mean because this is where I take responsibility in my own life for what I want

and if so, I can do whatever I want in my life. I can always take drugs, drop out of school, go to jail and waste away. because this is my life. but not to forget. what I do doesn't only affect me, it affects the people around and close to me. My friends, my family. Whom I love. So you see, there are always boundaries you cannot cross.
Lines

Finally, there is something truly amazing about everyone of us. In everyone of us. Something incredible deep down inside that tells us what is right , and what is wrong.
Conscience
and it is very beautiful. So I believe we should always use Truth in whatever we do. No lies, no nothing. How? listen to our conscience and you'll never have to hide anything. You can use truth in everything. So simple and good. Just to rely on truth no matter what, because you know that you have not done anything really wrong.

The world is my joke to perceive, with lines and truth.

I'm going to try with everything I am and have to hold on to this.

So the worlds much clearer to me now
I was able to face anything at all.
Without fear.

and out-grown computer games. really. I used to be obsessed with computer games. After term 3... all that SJI NCC LAND stuff and all, learning about so many things. ive finally realised that there is so bloody hell much more than the fucking moving pixels in the screen. I can stop playing with ease now, if I have to. Like the fact that my parents are so liberal with me, not stopping me from playing computer games even during exam periods really did help. I mean even though I could, I didnt
why?
well, simply because I knew I wanted to do well in my exams, and I acknowledged the fact that the games would definitely hinder my ability to study. So I stopped playing and studied hard. Now, the exams are over and stuff, I only play when im really bored.
i find that I really enjoy talking to my friends rather than playing. and Ive grown to hate msn. i really would prefer meeting and talking in person. but it seems sometimes I hardly have a choice. but still, at least chatting over msn is much better than mindlessly subjecting ur brain to game stuff.

And I believe Ive grown in spirituality this year more than all the years Ive lived. Last year… something very and truly frightening happened to me Something I’d rather not discuss, but I guess im okay with it now. And its not bullshit, Im totally serious, its real.

One night, as I was closing my eyes sleeping on my bed… suddenly, to my horror, I actually felt an arm grabbing mine. I can feel some sort of presence in the room, like a some force, and it was making me uncomfortable, but not as much as the hand making me totally freak. But heres the thing, I was totally aware of everything but I couldn’t wake up, I couldn’t open my eyes.

No, im not kidding.

So I tried with all the might I could muster, and I used every ounce of energy in me to fight it, and finally I woke up from this whole incident. I managed to open my eyes and the room was so dark I couldn’t see anything, but those bizarre feelings disappeared
The next night, see what happened was that I was still totally fucking scared about everything. But when I tried sleeping, I suddenly felt very uncomfortable, sort of the same feeling, but it was not as terrible. Being terrified, I opened my eyes and I saw this black silhouette for an instant. It was of somebody standing beside my bed
Cant see clearly, but that’s all I remember

Oh damn, you could never have imagined how fucking shocked I was.
I screamed man
No seriously, scared the shit out of me

So this was something that happened to me like last year.

I had never believed in God before these incidents But its now like, how can God be dead if I show you the devil or something like that
So I began to believe and started praying

And stuff like that has happened like I don’t know… around 4 times or so. So anyway, what happened this year was much worse than anything

I was sleeping soundly again.. and was dreaming about something.
Cant remember.
But suddenly felt uncomfortable again, like a presence could be felt in the room, like some kind of force or something
Then I think I heard some low wierd voice say like 2 words in some crap language or whatever. I was still dreaming
And I could feel the collar of my shirt flapping, that’s the scariest part. I was very uncomfortable… and I could not wake up. I was still dreaming Until. I felt a force pressing down against my body, hell its damn uncomfortable.
And it was powerful.
I tried very very hard to break free and wake up Wow, it was really difficult. I actually almost gave up, until I tried my absolute best and gave every damn thing I got. I shouted out as I was really fighting very hard… and finally woke up.

But it was after this incident that I began to think and think. and now I believe in a greater god. One god that is responsible for anything and everything we cant control and more. He is very mysterious indeed and has his purpose for making stuff happen and such. He is so great that whatever happens is happening because he wants it to. I dont believe in coincidences. Everything according to his will. I mean he doesn’t need anything from us, he can’t be offended by us. We cant do him wrong or anything. And according to this, I believe everything is God. Including the devil and evil. Because ironically, after those weird stuff happened to me, Ive grown like closer to God. Those incidents helped me come to this conclusion So in the end, he has his reasons for everything. Like I mean he let me see those demons for a reason. From the bad i know what is good. So in that way even evil is good, even evil is God. Thats what I believe in strongly, like the fact that God is love. After everything he is, he is love. So there was a period of time where I didnt really like pray or anything. And the fact that he knows everything. Everything .Because anything I wanted to say to him, I would just say it. Or otherwise not even speak, because I acknowledge his greatness in understanding everything. and after thinking deeper and deeper, I've realised that actually we do all those religious stuff not because we need to thank him, or to like beg him for forgiveness. I believe he doesnt need our gratitude. However, I see it as we still do those things because we WANT to. In love of him we will still thank him. So in this way, the meaning of religion will be stronger, and the purpose of ultimately undertsanding is greater.

In this light, I see that whatever pain or hardship bestowed upon us, is an opportunity for us to overcome it and to learn and grow in life. That is part of my belief that nothing in this world is bad. Not even the devil. Because there is a reason for the bad, which is for the good. Like the fact of seeing God's will in everything, changing what is horrible into something wonderful, is truly beautiful. and facing difficulty to allow us to grow as people. Thats what i see in life.

and it is truly amazing that Ive only thought about this this year. and i thank God for the fact of letting me grow up. Putting me through hard times of questioning and over thinking. and now my eyes are truly open to alot of things. I can feel the fact that next year is gonna be a whole lot worse than this year. my Os and stuff. So Im really glad that ive sort of woken up in time. To learn to taste the sweetness in bitterness in time. In fact, I went for thanksgiving mass at the end of the school year to sort of thank him formally. Even though I believe that he doesnt need our gratitude. Well, lets just say i really wanted to.

This isnt some sort of crazy ranting of a nearly 15 year old kid who thinks he knows everything, because i know that there is so many things I have yet to learn, have yet to experience, to understand and appreciate. In fact, I believe that life never ever gets any simpler. As in if i look at it now, the only damn things i have to worry about is my academic performance, and my relationship with friends and family. Later itll be much worse because there will be like work politics, marriage and all that which is definitely gonna be a hell lot more complicated than what Im going through now.

So this is just my form of saying hey, im not ready for everything, but im just excited and loving the fact that so many challenges are going to come my way in the future, so that I can experience it and grow. because now im no longer afraid, as I believe everything is in fact good, no matter what. because we should believe so. everything is good, everything is God.

and Im no longer afraid if any of those funny things happen to me again. Because I see God in the devil. and if they happen again, I believe that its Gods way of testing me. How well I can hold on to my beliefs. Not to falter and fall, break everything just because of a little scare. To still be able to see him and his love in the face of the devil.

So the only reason Im writing all this is because I find it so overwhelming. the way I see things so differently now. It is truly incredible. What I have grown to learn.

So Thank You for reading this
It really means alot to me that Im able to share

The Last Thing For Christmas

2006-12-28T21:15:00.000+08:00

The Last Thing For Christmas

its heading down south
not good
just not good

"I'm workin' on it"
he said
but now I'm saying it

not clean after all

"All I want for christmas"

my different Christmas

2006-12-26T21:44:00.000+08:00

well
I had a different Christmas this year

man
I planned the morning-like
theres only that part that didnt work
I know
I've been watching too much of prison break

doing all that sneaking around
at stipulated times

interesting
my different Christmas

Merry Christmas

2006-12-25T15:48:00.000+08:00

Merry Christmas

Happy Birthday

2006-12-25T01:52:00.000+08:00

so here...

um...

Happy Birthday

so shhhhh

2006-12-23T00:49:00.000+08:00

so what happened to the nice guys
hmmm
didnt disappear
guess they just couldnt understand

-------------------------------------

12 days of christmas
12 days of christmas

man
who cares if it passes
see ive been thinking

------------------------------------

so shhhhh

just think about it

the world is perfect

China

2006-12-20T21:36:00.000+08:00

ok
these are long due

is my umbrella distracting?

see
we in a boat

con-jobs
they massage us so we cant run away from them
we have to sit
and listen to them sell us stuff

they only massage people 18 and above
because they have money

uhhh
not sure where this is

wow the lights are....
nnice

biggest coke bottle I ever saw

man
therse porn when you switch on the tv at this hotel
and lots of 'funny' women

till next year

2006-12-20T21:19:00.000+08:00

holiday's over
well

I should be happy
coz we had our fun

------------------------------------

so

till next year

holiday

2006-12-17T20:56:00.000+08:00

Holiday
Im on holiday

but its not as pretty
I feel frozen
and im not sure what Im doing yet

so if courage is doing what you believe in
am I a coward
or am I just forgetting
lying wasnt my style?

I needa stiffen up my lip
gotta wash my face awhile

here
sorry guys

not the g word

2006-12-14T22:45:00.000+08:00

damn
I had to keep reminding myself
that its the f word
not the g word

the f word
now cmon
cant get it into my head without trying

but still hey im done with archery
so things arent so bad

coz its the mood swings today

roller coaster

2006-12-14T00:03:00.000+08:00

ok so heres the deal
its the f word
the f word now
not the g word

man
the f word

friend

--------------------------------------------

alright
so heres the rollercoaster
roller coaster

and Im telling them
its gonna be a hell of a ride
so baby
to 1st of January we ride

Ill never lose you again

2006-12-11T22:37:00.000+08:00

I was afraid to look for her
petrified I wouldnt find her

man
I when I couldnt see her anywhere
cant imagine the agony
the unbearable pain

my bleeding heart
impaled at the core
longing for the departed
for losing your loved one

I was

why
why
why

why did I have to lose her
its not fair
what am I gonna do without

just without her

until

we met again
and I felt her body in my arms
carrassed her

gave her my most sincere kiss and said

baby
Ill never lose you again

The Real You

2006-12-09T00:16:00.000+08:00

wow
I finally realised
through the China trip and all

it was you
the real you
yes you
not any stupid girl

you
you were testing me
all this while
all this time
and I didnt even see it

now that I finally do
Ive got this done
its done
after what seemed like so long

man it feels great

-----------------------------------------

man uploading the pictures
its a pain

so
just patience

China

2006-12-07T20:49:00.000+08:00

gotta love the trees

pretty?

cant remember

A Real Life Horse
man I remember he stinks

these horses dont

eating sausage

Im not wearing only my jacket

uhhh

its a bridge

the other side

--------------------------------------------------------------
hold on
theres hell more pictures
this only starting

I'm not okay

2006-11-26T15:55:00.000+08:00

Im okay now
I dont want no more computer games
no Im okay
I dont want to play computer games
no I dont
I really need you to listen to me
now listen to me
Im okay
really
trust me
trust me now
and i could treat you like a girl
hahaha
Im okay
no really
now look me in the eye
and say you believe me
coz
hahaha
hahahaha
Im okay
Im okaAaAay
hahaha
trust me now
please
please
coz Im okay
Im just o-fucking-kay now
trust me

3 cheers for getting lost

2006-11-25T15:11:00.000+08:00

This feels like hell
and sometimes I feel that I cant do any of this anymore
so Ill just drink my drink
and 3 cheers for getting lost

I do miss everything I wanted

Im just so tired of doing
all these things I finally hate
wasting myself away
when theres so many things I could do
so many things I wanna do

sometiems I almost wish I never knew you
but your picture's like a pain
it stings as hell

and I dont know if you'll be reading this
not that it means anything

so now just let me wallow awhile
please

off to China tomorow
and I dont want to think of you
or any of this

so Im back from camp

2006-11-24T00:23:00.000+08:00

so Im back from camp
and I still dont have an answer
because it seems like forever
since I didnt know

I could treat you like a girl
and maybe you'll never understand

but I miss the thrill
I miss having plans
I miss liking you

maybe
I miss you
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

the pictures came in

The opening session was fun

no it was

put that down

man love the games
couldnt be executed better

haha

didnt like this game
you have to think too much

heee

loved it

broke my favourite watch
o well... 12 bucks

envelopes I prepared

leading the reflections

I wrote the whole lyrics of Welcome To The Black Parade

so we could all sing and go nuts

after showers

The camp was fantastic

and I had so much fun

its like one of the best camps Ive attended

and I actually realised that these are my closest group of friends

and i really really treasure their friendship

love you guys

I love my part-mates.inc

2006-11-23T19:47:00.000+08:00

I love my part-mates.inc

now
so Ill be happy a while
---------------------------------------------

waiting for the pictures to come in

even with those eyes

2006-11-19T15:26:00.000+08:00

Lunch made me sick

Im playing computer games and I dont even fucking like it
coz Im so frustrated
I dont know what the hell Im doing anymore

Im breaking my arrow
and leaving my bow
when all I wanna do is 'archery'

Im going off to another camp
rest assured
Ill be thinking of you
how I can hate you
even with those eyes
how angry Ill get at myself for blaming you
for all of this
when we both know it isnt your fault

I feel dead

2006-11-17T22:53:00.000+08:00

I feel dead

probably because of the exhaustion
but see
ive managed to wake early
cant do it again

late nights wont let me go

im fucking apathetic about everything
i cant even talk straight

maybe its because I lost what I wanted to want

now I just liked you for the sake of it
dont hear this now
because i wanna see it as I used you

probably hold a funeral

2006-11-15T21:38:00.000+08:00

so the beer wasnt THAT good after all
hmm
guess i wasnt used to it
yea I better not get used to it

so Im not what the prefectorial board wants
I didnt even want it in the first place
but after it all
it kinda grew on me

hmm
alright Ill say it once

damn

ok im done

------------------------------------------------------

my mp3 died on me
and I panicked
so I brought her to the ER
luckily nothing happened
damn
I dont know what i'd do if I lost her
probably hold a funeral

shh
dont tell her
I almost had an affair with my brother's ipod

Im getting tipsy tonight

2006-11-14T22:02:00.000+08:00

so the summit was cool

above the clouds
on the top of the world
I enjoyed the company I had

and Ive thought about it
so Ive decided that Ill sit back
and just enjoy the holidays

Im not gonna do no shit
because now I believe
and I know I was doing all those stuff
just for the sake of doing all those stuff

Im sitting back this time
---------------------------------------------------------------

Half a can of beer

so to hell
baby
Im getting tipsy tonight

you're just skin

2006-11-07T14:42:00.000+08:00

I still dont really know
but I know one thing

Im not gonna crawl to you
Im not
Ill throw this away
like you threw your innocence

deeper?

you're just skin
you're just skin

can I cut you?

because thee are worse than broken words
one side is truth
the other is false
this is walking on the line

and I dont care what you think about me now
because you're just skin

my breath is slow

2006-11-06T21:59:00.000+08:00

the air is cold
my breath is slow

I havent solved anything
I still dont noe
Im just letting time dilute things

I got angry with so many people today
even my mum

and I guess im not doing well

dota is my alchohol
but even that is getting old
so old

I keep feeling like Im more of a kid
so much more than I should feel
ironic
or maybe its just coz you feel so old

still i gotta find out more
I have to
I will

just as I am

2006-11-05T21:54:00.000+08:00

Im harmless
and I dont care if you cant appreciate it
as much as I want you to

because this has to be it
it has to

Im not that same guy you thought I would be
when we met

and I shouldnt be mad
or feeling this way at you
but still

wheres your innocence?
I cant find it anymore
not ever
its lost from your eyes

just as I was
just as I am

Harmless

2006-11-04T23:22:00.000+08:00

as much as I would like to
I just dont want to

I dont care if I cant think on this two feet
or if Im really that slow
or if I cant handle much
or if Im still too dumb for any of this
or if im just not good enough

because Im harmless
dont you see !?
cant they?

Im fucking harmless and thats it
just harmless

----------------------------------------------
I liked seeing through it all
and looking at innocence
but now
I just cant find it

so what now
I feel so messed because I dont know

so what now

2006-11-03T22:09:00.000+08:00

Today training was wierd
I let others do the job and I dont like it
the lack of discipline I see

So what now
lucky I dont wish I was still obsessed with computer games
luck... ...

I dont really know

I kinda enjoy it

2006-11-02T20:23:00.000+08:00

The 'talk' yesterday affected me alot today
but luckily not as much as I thought it would

still
my head wasnt even there to be elsewhere

I wanna quit 'the game'

but once you start
its too hard to stop

I wish Julian didnt exist for a while
pause
so I can clear my head

well
at least
Im no longer scared for one

but you know this almost feels like hell

but I kinda enjoy it

just pathetic

2006-11-01T22:00:00.000+08:00

Im feeling sick
just so sick

even more than im tired

Im supposed to be happy
but Im apathetic
but mostly
just pathetic

well
it doesnt feel one bit nice
but at least I see things better
about 'the game' and all

consider myself lucky before I fall

but I just feel sick